Don't be angry. She is wrong as she use 粗口罵 you.
However, you are also wrong. You should not say that "你有無攪錯, 用自己食過的快子去夾湯喳, 你講唔講衛生嫁, 叫人點再筆湯飲".
It is because I do the same at my house (but not do that when eat outside such as eat in other's or 99's house. )
If my brother's wife said those words to me. I will ask her go out of my families. We do that for more than 30 years. We don't think it is wrong. If you agree with us, then you (as a outsider) can lives with us. If not, then move out.
That's all. But I will not use 粗口.
Smiliarly, some daughter in law request their 99 use public 快子去夾 dishes when they have dinner in 99's house. If I was their 99, I will 'throw' them out of my flat!
P.S. hope you don't mind my words!
As a outsider, never try to change what they (your husband's families) have done for years, even it is correct or not. Just don't live together to prevent contact.
Yes, you are wrong.
You should close your BB房's door.
And ask you 99 出聲 if necessary (ask her to close her door, but allow her to smoke), not you.
It is because it is her room. She can do everything inside her room.